Three Novels On Who We Were Meant to Be

Satisfying wistfulness on #69

Below please find the earliest documented career aspirations of young Kerry, a true story:

1. Veterinarian (age 7) - makes sense

2. Ice skater (age 6) - were there Olympics or something? Like, what?

3. Pumpkin carver (age 5) - really aiming high here, eh? Though whilst not my professional avocation, I’m proud to say that this, at least, I have accomplished

Here’s my point - except for a few rare, single-minded occasions, most of us can trace a circuitous path from where we are back to where we thought we might be at younger ages. From the people we are today, through the thicket of other expectations, guidance and obligations, back to the original, boundless potential. Hopefully on the balance, we’re okay with the current state but if there aren’t at least a few wistful, twisting moments of “what if” and “what could have been” then geez, I don’t know what mental lottery you won. There should be and probably is a perfect German word for this feeling.

And of course, this grappling with the past, and with the narrowing finality of our choices, is fertile novel territory, and over the past few months a number of good books in this vein have crossed my path for some reason. While they’ve all left me at various times uncomfortably regretful, melancholic, slightly longing for the university times which I didn’t even like that much, and full of “what are you doing with(the rest of your life” self-demands (no, you’re having a midlife crisis!), many are also funny, sweet, and thought-provoking, with the reminder that it’s never too late to start living an authentic life. Which is a nice thought.

So here are a few recent-for-me novels which, while none of them are perfect, I’ve liked very much, which also might give you some pause for thought. I’m sorry/you’re welcome.

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Olga Dies Dreaming is one of my favorite fiction reads of the year so far, and even more compelling considering that it’s the author’s debut. (way to go, Miss Xochitl!)

Power summary: 40 year old Olga is a powerhouse wedding planner, and her brother the local congressman, and while it seems like both have it made and are success stories in their local Brooklyn, they’re forced to rethink their lives as their past comes back to life through new loves, absent parents, and their identity as Puerto Ricans.

OK, I’ve made this sound kind of grim, but this is actually a … romcom meets social commentary? A family love story meets the American dream meets colonialist critique? Anyway, I loved Olga, who’s both bold and unapologetic but also questioning what her success has cost her in this life, her charming and quirky boyfriend Matteo, and the undercurrent of what it means to live a brave life set against radicalism, corruption, identity . From time to time it got a liiiiittttle too expository about the history of Puerto Rico (which was a great and important part of the story but pretty clunky in its execution) but I personally could more than forgive that in favor of the lively plot and fun characters mixed with the heavier questions of life.

ps it’s hard with these modern books which generally speaking are high-lambie romances but are set against sad and infuriating things because … “the world”! I need to read a few more four and five lambers, stat - please send recommendations.

What an elegant and interesting little book The Days of Afrekete is!

Power summary: Set over the course of one dinner party with a series of flashbacks, this is the story of two middle-aged women who knew versions of each other in college and are now grappling with whom they’ve become, what they’ve lost in the process, and how they drifted away from the women they were.

For anyone who has wondered where their youthful bodies, loves, and ambitions have gone, this is the book for you. It’s part sharp and slyly funny social commentary, part wistful love story, part marriage in shambles, part racial and sexual identity, part wondering how you grew away from who you were, and part chickens coming home to roost and I just really liked it. It’s also a little unevenly plotted, with a lot of information tumbling in at the end; so it’s not perfect but it’s a compelling and immersive little reverie that borrows from Mrs Dalloway and Audre Lorde. I recommend it (plus it’s short, just 200 pages - a quick read!)

So it took me a while to decide how I felt about The Eternal Audience of One, which I think is the sign of a Good Book. And I’ve come out on the “yes, this is worth reading” side of the equation.

Power summary: Séraphin is close to graduating from law school in Cape Town, but is questioning whether this is really the path he wants. Rwandan by birth, Namibian by country after his family fled the country’s civil war, he grapples with his African diaspora identity, racial and social politics, his desires versus the expectations of his family, and the pressing urgency to figure out his life.

It’s hard to summarize this book, really, because there’s not that much plot to it - it’s really more of a series of vignettes and observations. To be honest, this plotlessness is the reason I didn’t quite know what I felt about it. But on balance, it’s worth reading for the boisterous, youthful vitality of Séraphin and his young adult friends, the precise and funny writing, and the maddeningly constant push of figuring out life’s big questions.

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A contextless flashback from the archive

“It’s for anyone who’s dreamed of starting their own farm, for anyone concerned about the agricultural state of affairs, and for anyone who can appreciate Kingsolver’s writing. So, basically for anyone.” - see more in »> Good Food in Good Books

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Book confessions:

• I don’t think I’m going to read Cloud Cuckoo Land. And I *loved* All the Light You Cannot See.

• I also am definitely not going to read Young Mungo because Douglas Stuart already bled enough from me with Shuggie Bain. Enough!

• These books all link to Bookshop.org and if you buy through them, you not only support independent bookstores but I also might earn a dollar or two (which I will donate to Defy Ventures). This is more of a statement than a confession but I’m not sure the SEC makes tremendous semantic distinctions, so.